Universidad Politécnica Territorial de Mérida

In “Real Men Don’t Marry Losers”, article at Loveawake dating site blog I summarized a smidge how simple men are when it comes to approaching their relationships with women. In fact, they are actually quite simpler than most women want to give them credit for. Being a man has never been so easy, yet so hard for us to understand.

Most men (the real ones anyway) are usually a wide open book and they don’t hint around at anything and play mindless head games or try to pump meaning into things that don’t meaning anything. They’re actually quite literal in the sense that they don’t beat around the bush. That’s why you don’t hear them mindlessly gossiping about each other, talking maliciously behind each other’s backs, or having guys’ night pillow-talk crying sessions.

They’d really like to get away without having to talk about anything at all but they’re human just like us, and the way they communicate is different, yet demonstrative. What is it they do exactly?

• They are doers, not talkers.

People often say that men don’t open up about anything and they can’t put their feelings into words. Men do have a hard time vocalizing what’s on their minds, but they won’t hesitate to do something to show you what they mean.

When it comes to how he’s approaching you in the initial stages of dating, to the height of your relationship, he’s probably not going to say much of anything at all. Instead, he’s either going to call or he’s not, he’s either going to ask you out or he’s not, and he’s either going to ask you to marry him or he’s not.

With men, there’s rarely ever a gray area and if there appears to be, he’s leaning more on the side of nay rather than yay, and he just doesn’t have the gonads to be frank.

Let his actions speak for him and don’t read too much into what he says or doesn’t say. Let him show you exactly what he means.

• If he really wants you, he’s going to actively pursue you.

If a man is really digging you, he isn’t going to wait for you to steal the bag from his hands and run across town with it. He’s going to chase you long and hard and nothing is going to come between him and the possibility that you could become his.

However, before you dump all your fresh shiny eggs into one big basket, let time tell you if his persistence is trustworthy and sincere. You don’t want to surrender to another rotten douche of an egg that’s going to run hot and cold and leave you looking like another chopped up, cheated, down chick.

Let him prove to you how bad he wants you and let him initiate the steps to making you his. Remember, he’s going to call when he says he will, he’s going to show up when he says he’s going to show up, and he’s going to marry you when he says he going to marry you.

• They will talk, IF YOU LISTEN.

One of the reasons men don’t open up is because they are habituated by their parents, their peers and the whole of society to be hard, closed off and tough. Unfortunately for you and for them, the idea of opening up is as comfortable to him as sitting right square on the dual end of a horseshoe.

Women, as innate nurturers can get through to a man by being patient, trusty and non-judgmental. You can persuade him to open up by asking him what’s on his mind but not pressing him too hard to come out with it. Don’t ask him every 5 minutes what he’s thinking about or pester him as to whether or not he’s going to still be with you next week because of his perceived problem. Simply tell him that you’re there for him if he needs you and back away. Men process things differently in that they need time to look at the entire situation and analyze it before making a decision on how to proceed.

Just because something’s not right with him, doesn’t mean that it has anything at all to do with you. Step back, give him some space and let him know that you’re there when he needs you without any pressure or expectation and let him do the talking when he’s ready to open up.

• When he loves you, he loves you hard and true.

When a man loves you he always will, and he’ll do everything he can in his mind and in his heart to preserve it and treasure it. When a man makes up his mind about a woman, there is no question that she’s the right one for him and he’ll do everything he can to prove that her and everyone.

There are four main “pillars” in a man’s life that instill in him, his own sense of accomplishment- his career, his ability to earn a living, his own perceived level of power, and finding the right woman, and when one of those pillars becomes dislodged and crumbles, the strong foundation of what once held him up becomes very unstable and insecure.

Having a the perfect woman for him in his life adds symmetry and strength because she is like a rock that lends him support in ways that can’t be duplicated by his mother or his bros. When he’s fervently decided on a particular woman, she becomes his all and the unrelenting drive behind his motivation to a better career, to earning a great living, and having a powerful mindset is because of her. He knows she’s integral to his life, so he marries her with the intent of sharing with her everything that means the world to him.

When a man loves you, he’ll hold nothing back.

• They are strongly repelled by desperation.

Men can smell the desperation put off by a despondent hag from a hundred yards away, AND THEY WON’T STAND FOR IT. You’d have better luck at landing him by hanging your dirty socks in his face on the first date, than you would asking him if he considers you marriage material and the ideal mother for his kids.

To a guy, desperation is the same thing to a woman as a 35-year old guy who lives with his parents. Total non-negotiable dealbreaker. To him, desperation is a sign of the inability to cope and the inability to be independent, which spells big time trouble and issues strewn out from here to Christmas. Men can feel out desperation like a sixth sense and they’d rather have their leg sawed off and dipped in peanut butter to be used in a bear trap than to entertain the possibility of meandering with a hag who reeks of it.